Epic Fail

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This is what I type when I stare at a blank screen and have no idea what to write. Especially when it's been so long since I have written anything. For a while, I felt I had failed this blog. Then I simply waited for it to disappear. Un-lucky me, it didn't. I guess I can start with a few updates and life changes. So, here we go.

First off, I got engaged six months ago. It has been the most amazing time of my life and know there is so much more to come. Typically with a life change such as this follows an immediate worry or need to fit into that sweet tux. That idea I kept putting off since we set a date for a year-and-a-half later. I'm staring at 10 months until go-time and I'm just now tackling that fear.

Health update: Not much has changed. I'm still over-weight and totally out of shape. It was such a good start but I think my expectations and goals were set way too high. I'm a big dreamer so what can I say. The biggest news is the fact I have a new doctor and the homeopathic NP that had me taking vitamins and boiled pineapple/artichoke juice is gone. The first issue we tackled was my Fatty Liver Disease, which my new doctor told me was blown way out of proportion. From the results she read, she said I just have an elevated fat content of my liver, which should not have been diagnosed as FLD. That's good. The bad, my BP over the course of the year skyrocketed. 160/110. And my weight increased by about 10 pounds so in my docotor's opinion, that should have been tackled first, not my not-so-fat liver. It's been three months back and forth and it's finally down to 126/72, which is still slightly elevated but if you've ever tried to get your BP down, that's a hell of a change. It was managed via medication, which I have tried so hard not to be on but looking at 30, whatever I need to do to not stroke out and die I'm game for; life is worth it in the long run.

Now that the BP is under control, we're trying a new diet regime. Phentermine. *GASP* The room just got quiet. I know, it's an easy out, but the 20-30 pounds that it could help me lose is supposedly a jump-start to better improve my overall heart health and to get me off of my ass again. See, the gym and I have not had the best relationship over the past few months. After trying so hard, and remaining pretty active over the summer, I just gave up. Well, time to go back. I started my first dose today. Just have to seriously portion control, calorie count and work twice as hard at the gym. Hopefully this will help me from running out of gas.

Just for the record, the reason I am writing on my blog again is not to hold myself accountable as before. I'm also not going to promise how often I post. I tried to promise myself I'd tweet at least twice a day for a week and that was a month ago. I've posted twice since then. I just plain forget; work gets in the way and we had a busy as hell fall. Now that things are slacking off, maybe I can at least try. One character trait I do have that I am proud of is the idea of "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again." So, in retrospect, I wanted to do something to inspire and hold myself accountable. Instead, I'm going to simply write; document and detail. I'm not going to set myself obsurd goals and high expectations. But I'm also not going to call it baby steps. This is a battle; I'm waging a war. I'm going to lose by doing nothing. I pulled out all of the big guns to start and just ran out of amunition. So, I'm back, throwing stones. Pebble by pebble I'm going to try and break down that wall. In the long run if I don't break it down, then at least maybe I'll have thrown enough rocks that I can just climb over.